Self Love = Self Care

That’s the start. But how do we start and from where. Especially when we have a child and our time is super consumed in totality. We need to be present. We need to be well. We need to be also human and show whatever is within us so that our child feels our core. To get to know us. 

So much literature is out there on this subject. So many people talk about it. SO many philosophies. But when I was/am really down all this is just a bunch of crap, in my mind at that present. I tried all that and none of it worked for me because my head is too strong and forceful. It puts all this shits racing and making stories, that at some point those stories become my reality. And before I know it I am feeling down and nothing makes sense any more. But then here is my little star still wanting and needing. Me. Needing and wanting me. It’s not about what you give your child to eat or where do you take them but what energy, what state are you in.That is what they feed on. That is what they build their blocks with. All the rest is secondary. 

So how do you do it? What do you do? I found that I can pretend but somehow my child is not ok. Because underneath and all I am Not Ok. So how do I love myself if I have these stories that are racing in my head and makes stories where I pick up hate. How?!

I found that the start is by feeling myself. Feeling where I feel it in my body. But mostly how is my heart. Is it beating fast, is it beating slowly, or is it beating at all?! Is there a pain, can I feel that pain, I put my hand on my heart and I breathe as I feel is the best I can breath in that particular moment. If tears come down my face, they are welcomed. Anything that comes I just stay with that heart beat. Tuning into the beat. Into that beat as it is. And listen. Feel. WIthout judging or labeling. In other words, when that crazy mind comes again and gives me stories I get back into that hand and feel that beat. If possible feel that breath that comes with it. Hand on the heart helps with the feeling. If I know I can take a few minutes I put an alarm on my phone for 5 minutes. Because otherwise sometimes 1 minute feels like an hour but knowing that alarm will remind me when the time is up, it brings more grounding into the process. If I don’t have the time, and my little precious daughter is here, we do it together. It teaches her how to feel herself. 

This little simple practice was my start of developing self love. Because I started to feel myself. Heart is the center of our love. Our Love. The center of yourself. What are we made of and how much we can give and feel in all lies in our heart. And we are all different. We are all made from different materials and different social and family backgrounds. But what we feel we can give and it is precious in our own special way. Feeling yourself is a start to loving, accepting and providing to what we need. Not what some books and some philosophy says. It is individual and it contains no artificial ingredients. It is unique to You. 

This is not a special magic wand and it will not happen overnight. But you are not a simple creature with all that staff going around and taking you away from you. Give yourself time. Feel yourself every day, every moment that is available to you. And slowly get into the layers and feelings of that heart of yours. And when the time arises, ask yourself, What do I need now? And slovely self care will start in your own unique way, the way that is only applicable to you. And within that self love will slowly start to develop, grow, get some direction.

With love from my heart to yours

Kiki

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