Self Love in Motherhood

Self Love = Self Care

That’s the start. But how do we start and from where? Especially when we have a child and our time is super consumed in general. We need to be present. We need to be well. We need to also be human and show whatever is within us so that our child feels our core. To get to know us. 

So much literature is out there witten on this subject. So many people talk about it. SO many philosophies. But when I was/am really down all this feels just like a bunch of crap in my mind at that moment. I tried all the stuff suggested in the books and none of it worked for me because my head is too strong and forceful. It puts all the shit in my head racing and making stories, and at some point those stories become my reality. And before I know it I am feeling down and nothing makes sense any more. But then there is my little star still wanting and needing. Me. Needing and wanting me. It’s not about what you give to your child to eat or where do you take them but what energy, what state are you in.That is what they feed on. That is what they build their blocks with. All of the rest is secondary. 

So how do you do it? What do you do? I realised that I can pretend, but somehow my child is not ok. Because underneath and all I am Not Ok. So how do I love myself if I have these stories that are racing in my head and makes stories where I pick up hate. How?! And I need it NOW.

I found that the start is by feeling myself. Feeling where I feel it in my body. But mostly how is my heart. Is it beating fast, is it beating slowly, or is it beating at all?! Is there a pain, can I feel that pain, I put my hand on my heart and I breathe as I feel is the best I can breath in that particular moment. If tears come down my face, they are welcomed. Anything that comes to me I just stay with that heart beat. Tuning into the beat. Into that beat as it is. And listen. Feel. Without judging or labeling. In other words, when that crazy mind comes again and gives me stories I get back to my heartbeat. If possible feel the breath that comes with it. Hand on the heart helps with the feeling. If I know I can take a few minutes I put an alarm on my phone for 5 minutes. Because otherwise 1 minute can feel like an hour.But knowing that alarm will remind me when the time is up, it brings more grounding into the process. If I don’t have the time, and my little precious daughter is here, we do it together. It teaches her how to feel herself. 

This simple little practice was my start of developing self love. Because I started to feel myself. Heart is the center of our love. Our Love. The center of yourself. What are we made of and how much we can give and feel, all lies in our heart. And we are all different in our social and family backgrounds. But what we feel and what we can give is precious in our own special way. Feeling yourself is a start to loving, accepting and providing what you need. Not what some books and some philosophy say. It is individual and it contains no artificial ingredients. It is unique to You. 

This is not a special magic wand and it will not happen overnight. Give yourself time. Feel yourself every day, every moment that is available to you. And slowly get into the layers and feelings of that heart of yours. And when the time arrives, ask yourself, What do I need now? And self care will slowly start in your own unique way, the way that is only applicable to you. And within that self love will start to evolve, grow, and get some direction.

With love from my heart to yours

Kiki